Christmas

Christmas in the traditional homey sense is alive and well in most homes across America.

Every year, I keep saying that we should not do a tree for whatever reason, usually I say for the Pagan reasons. That would be a good reason.

Each year, I usually whine about not having a lot of stuff for the kiddos and each year they end up with lots of stuff. Friends have sent stuff, and usually we do not pay a bill or 2 so we can do up Christmas gifts quite nicely.

This year is going to the bleakest year we have ever faced. The only thing under the tree might be jammies for the kids, and they get those on the 24th… Quite litterly this year, they will not have one gift to open that morning. The last couple of years, I thought were bad, but, this is the year that I have been dreading. I think God is answering that prayer.

I have wanted to stop putting up the tree and doing gifts.  I do not enjoy this time of year and have not for some time now. I have studied the origin of the Christmas tree and it really is Pagan.We celebrate Christ everyday, or we should be. Just not the one time a year. Christmas time is so commercialized. It’s about gifts and spending money.

God has been so good to us through out the year and we give thanks everyday for his goodness and his mercy. I truly do not even deserve to be sitting here in my warm bed, listening to the my husband and my dog snore. I do not even deserve the wonderful and awesome children I have sleeping down the hall. We have food in the pantry and the lights and heat all work.  I so do not deserve  any of this. I know of missionary families who live in tiny homes with tons of children that they have taken in.  When I read their prayer letters I cry. Here I sit, whining about not having even a dime to buy gifts for my kids, yet, missionaries are SO far away from their homes and families. They often go years and years without seeing their own parents or siblings. I do not even know if I could go be on a foreign field.

I do not even know if we are going to be moving. The money we were counting on to move, may not be there. My husband has not worked at all this year. We do claim the EIC the federal and even our state government gives.  We do not qualify for it this year.

I just sit here and complain. It is a sin to complain, did you know that?

We are slated to do the tree this coming Friday, but at this point, I see no reason to. It will only give my children hope for presents. There really is not a hope of a gift this year for any of them.  I thought I was ok with that, God is finally answering my prayers about not wanting to do this holiday, yet, I sit here in tears knowing that there just is no more extra cash to go and buy presents.  Well, they will each have new PJ’s to wear to bed on the 24th. That is a plus. I am grateful for the closet full of material to make them.  Grateful for the money at the time to purchase that material.

I am just whining here, so do not take mind to me. I love my life. I love my God, I love my husband and children. We have not always been faithful stewards of  His money. Not even this year. But, each year, we do get better. My bills are paid and my rent is paid. Any extra usually goes to the kids. So in reality, they get gifts through out the year.  There I go, that is more optimistic right?

See, I never think ahead. I think in the now. Somedays, I just pray that the Lord will give me the knowledge that tomorrow will be better then today. If I had known say last tax season that this year for Christmas, there would be nothing, I would have shopped then. But, I did not think.. I usually do not.

If we move, it is by the grace of God and only Him. I put my complete trust in Him.

I think I will end my whine session with a thank you. THank you God for renewing His mercies each day. Thank you God for sending your son to die on the cross for this pathetic excuse for a wife and momma. Thank you Lord for saving me. Thank you Lord for my husband and children.

Thank you friends for reading my whine…

Can you pass the cheese please?